Andrew Solomon Far From The Tree

It took me years to realize that the nature vs. nurture debate shouldn't concern me. Around age five, while being raised by my grandmother, I convinced myself that my father had died in a car accident. I had never met him, and saw my mother frequently (she was frequently ill, missing one eye, and suffered from severe memory loss). It seemed only natural that they had both been in a car accident—he…

I had to come out twice in my life. To my parents, at least. Both times were embarrasing, and both were very disappointing. The first time was when I was sixteen. At eleven I knew I was gay, and I had given myself a deadline: Either I told my parents before I was 18, or I told my parents before that.
When I was sixteen I fell in love with a guy. We dated a bit. It was not a great love, but it…

Self, family, and social acceptance. Children growing up in a family with a father with untreated bipolar disorder and a mother who had no clue, moving more than once a year, and never understanding relationships within the family or outside the family in society...

Mental illness is a bitch.

There is no other word.

Our family has been struggling in an up-close-and-personal way with some form of mental illness for more than 10 years.

This is not a whine, a how-to or quite possibly anything constructive but might at be least cathartic for me.
I won’t use names to protect the innocent but it wouldn’t take a rocket…

My story begins with my birth, I suppose most of our stories really begin there. My father was from the mountains of NC and he moved after serving in the Air Force for 4 years to S.C. (Greenville area/ eg...the "upstate of South Carolina") and he met my Mother in 1959 after his service to our country. He "courted my Mom" the old fashioned way, in July 1960 - they were married. I came along on January…

Do you have any advice for someone with 2 narcissistic parents? I am 47 & have finally given up trying to "woo" my parents into loving me & they no longer want a relationship with me (I stopped parenting them & trying to win their favor). How can you be successful/happy in any aspect of life without the love & support of your family? It is amazing how so many parents have unconditional love for their…

I am the transgendered offspring of same-sex parents. My husband and I are now trying to go about adopting a child of our own. I have lived my life being the subject of much confusion for people and had to see my parents subject to the many questions you mention in your article. I grew up in the 80s when people in same-sex relationships didn't talk about their partners, much less acknowledge that…

My daughter (17) was born with bilateral cataracts and glaucoma. She is legally blind. Her eyes do not look "normal", she wears "coke bottle" glasses and on top of all this, she follows the beat of her own drum. This has caused her many social issues and problems. She is extremely bright and funny but, is just not your typical 17 year old. The first chapter in this book has changed my life. I spent…

I have always believed that the most important relationship we have is with our parents - they validate us, they make us feel safe, and give us the extraordinary gift of believing in us and that we can "do". I am the mother of 3 grown sons, one of whom is gay, and I have always strived to make them feel wanted and loved and that they belong. Relationships are complex and can be difficult, but it's…

I am a transgender man in my twenties, happy and studying law. My parents were supportive, loving, and kind as I transitioned. Your book helped me to see the heroism in what they have shrugged off as merely good parenting. Also, thank you for your family's story in Chapter XII. Seeing another way of making a family makes it easier to envision one of my own.

My family story is a Chinese box tale of learning disabilities…

I have a MSW and MFA in Creative Writing. I have been trying to write about the convoluted illnesses and disabilities in my family including my (totally unintended and thank you for allowing me to know I am not the only parent who would not have children if I could see the future) two sets of twins. I have so much and am…