Andrew Solomon Far From The Tree

My daughter is 19 years old and has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It is considered one the most difficult mental illnesses to suffer with and to deal with for the sufferer and their family and the provider. My other daughter is 15 and is openly gay with ADHD and severe anxiety. My older daughter has a very high IQ and due to bpd being highly disregarded with a very low success…

All my life growing up, I always had another child point their fingers at me and call me a dwarf. Or someone would ask me all the time, "What's wrong with you?". Exactly my concern. What is wrong with me? Why was I born this way? Why doesn't any medical professional, know why I have this Syndrome? In 1979 when I was born, I was diagnosed by Doctor Larsen, that I have what is called, Larsen Syndrome.…

I was born a "typical" child but have known cognitive disability since birth. My older brother has autism, but was diagnosed later in life. He is now 61 years old and despite doctor recommendations early on, always remained at home, but no school existed for him until he turned 8 and the school was a 2 hour bus ride away, a bus that he had been riding, to my mother's dismay, had broken brakes - and…

No, I am not Elizabeth Bennet. But reading Far from the Tree made me ponder once more on my own prejudices and pride. It can be surprising to find prejudices in someone who has been object of so much prejudice herself, but I dare to say, it is not unusual that even people who have to struggle with their own differences are prejudiced. As the whole of humanity tend do be, after all. Andrew pointed…

From the time I was 12 on, my father would make me weigh myself before dinner. In front of my mom, my brother, food on the table. My father then would say " No one will love you ever ! Look at how fat you are." Today my very mentally ill son said, " If I was a drunk like you were, I would have blown my brains out years ago." My son's words were different but rang the same. Mental illness is not anyone's…

My "story" is pretty mundane compared to the people portrayed in the book. I just want to say that this is a life changing book for me. I almost didn't complete it past the first chapter because I really didn't believe that a homosexual person could be balanced and logical about the issues portrayed. Was I ever wrong! I have a small shelf of books that I keep because they have changed my life in some…

I have cerebral palsy. I had selective dorsal rhizotomy (SDR) at the age of 39. SDR is the only proven procedure to eliminate the spasticity caused by CP. The problem is that the medical community is not sharing the information. I, like most people with CP, stumbled upon it - on Facebook. I advocate for SDR. Read my HuffPost article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicole-luongo/sdr-life-changing-surgery-for-cerebral-palsy_b_5615021.html…

A bunch of years ago, I volunteered to have our family interviewed by Andrew Solomon for his book project about raising a child of difference. When the book was released to critical acclaim we were invited to join Andrew on the Katie Couric Show. From the beginning, I said I did all of this in hopes that any family of a child with Kniest Syndrome (a rare form of dwarfism) might find our story and…

My son was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 1yr, 10mos. I was in denial from that day. We sought more opinions and though I am lucky to live right outside of Boston, the mecca of medicine, having access to the best, most cutting-edge of treatment, I still had a very difficult time accepting that my son wasn't "normal". To me, he had up to that point seemed normal because he was and is my only child,…

This is from my blog about raising a legally blind, multiply-disabled child along with his sister (for more, go to familyconnect.org and click on the Blog "Raising James")

May 9, 2014
The Mile Run…and Longer Distance Events

Charlotte has qualified to do the mile-run race at the high school track. All kids who ran the mile in under ten minutes will be bussed from the…

My son was born 25 years ago with Transposition of the Greater Arteries. He was taken by Mercy flight to Boston Children's Hospital; I discharged myself from Buffalo Children's so that my husband & I could fly on a commercial airline to meet him. I can tell you that I relate to every aspect of your Ted Talk and have been reading your book, realizing that "only the names change" the stories remain…

Reading the book was a revelation. I read its entirety on my iPhone on the subway and more mornings than not, I was moved to tears. What touched me was that I was working as a social worker working with women with HIV+/AIDS, mental illness, substance abuse, etc... AND, being an orphan, I always idealized unconditional love of parents for their children. Never having experienced it, I was simultaneously…

I wrote this poem several years ago when my family was struggling to accept our daughter's decision to marry a person of a different race -- a family taboo.


Family Treason

Whether by chance or plan
The fruit at times falls far
From the tree and sets its seed
In soil foreign to its stock

It may take root and bear fruit
Of…

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s I would have to say most of it was pretty great. However, when it came to school I was at a loss, especially in math and reading. Though my siblings and friends were having no problems with learning, it was extremely difficult for me. When my parents and teachers asked what the problem was, I could not tell them because it is difficult to describe one’s problem…

Moy Moy is so much a part of our lives we sometimes forget that’s not true for everyone else. So here’s the story of Moy Moy, the reason for and the inspiration of much of the work of the Latika Roy Foundation (www.latikaroy.org).

Moy Moy is from a remote village in the Himalayas. Her mother had been sterilized after her 12th baby – but Moy Moy was conceived anyway. Determined to…

Judi Parker-from Grand Junction Sentinel can read about her amazing life. We were friends for 50 years and I can still see her mischievous smile as we walked/rolled (Judi was in a wheelchair her entire life) through the outdoor art of the main Grand Junction. She was rejected by her parents when she was born due to her deformities, had taught for 30 years, lived and drove on her own although she probably…

This book helped me as the parent of a son with addiction. None of the chapters specifically address addiction, but the challenges we face are equivalent to those described. The book helped me get to a place of acceptance and appreciation for the joy and growth my son has brought to my life. It helped me put addiction into a proper context of parenting a challenging son who has defied all my expectations…

I had to come out twice in my life. To my parents, at least. Both times were embarrasing, and both were very disappointing. The first time was when I was sixteen. At eleven I knew I was gay, and I had given myself a deadline: Either I told my parents before I was 18, or I told my parents before that.
When I was sixteen I fell in love with a guy. We dated a bit. It was not a great love, but it…

My daughter, an American with Irish/ Scottish ancestry, married a man from Trinidad, with African/ indigenous west Indian ancestry, so their two children, a boy and a girl, are bi-racial and bi-cultural. As their grandmother I want them to be able to fully develop themselves and express their uniqueness without the limits of other people's prejudices. They look like neither race but are their own…

My daughter was 9 years old when my mother had come for a visit and noticed that one leg was shorter than the other. I felt guilty that I hadn't seen it myself. I love my daughter, so how could I miss something like that? That's the question I had asked myself over and over. I thought, that sometimes when you go for a walk small children will complain that they are tired of walking. Little did I know,…

I am like many middle age women, I have more in common with my fellow sojourners than differences. Unfortunately, or fortunately as I see today, it was and continues to be my 'differences' that draw attention to me and not in the way of highlighting my gifts and talents.
I have always been a very tall female for my age; alas my age has caught up to my height. Along with the gift of height came…

My daughter spent the first month of her life suffering from brain seizures. They went away, but she has always been different. Now eight years old, she doesn't pay attention well, has trouble understanding other kids' social cues and is often unresponsive to me, her teachers, other kids, etc.

She's also creative, beautiful, energetic, and wise. When she's not tuning out the world and…

Thanks for make me believe in new oportunities and hopeness that all it' ll be better reading this book and navigate this site.

Matthew Shepard was murdered in October of 1998. This was done because he was gay. He died alone, tied to a fence on the Wyoming range. He was a thoughtful, kind person and he left us at 21. I wrote a mini-poem for him and am absolutely convinced that Matthew's memory endures:

Matthew Shepard wide the sky, long and blue before my eye, endless you are, yes you stand me up, never really…

I am writing at the invitation of Andrew Solomon to broaden awareness of a widespread network of rehabilitation communities for people with mental illness which aims at realigning identities. The communities are based on the premise that the illness is not all-consuming. It is not the whole of a person. The design of some 341 such communities in 32 nations is called the Clubhouse Model, and it was…

I was honored to meet Andrew, at a fundraiser that he and his partner John, hosted for my friend Spencer's film project related to Our Little Roses in Honduras. I felt so grateful to him and for his book and was blessed to be able to thank him face to face.

For about a year I was working on a memoir about my only sibling and our relationship. She has DS and we were born less than a year…

It was never in my genes to parent this way. Instead it's a learning curve that we are all going through in our family. Instead it's a grieving process and then a healing, accepting process that will be life-long. Such is our journey as the family of a child with intellectual disability, Tourette Syndrome and ADHD. The early years of intervention, therapy and special education didn't teach any of…

My name is Theresa McMillan, and I was born with a rare congenital birth defect called Moebius Syndrome. It affects the 6th and 7th facial nerves which causes paralysis of the muscles. I am not able to smile or have any facial expressions. I also have vision and hearing difficulties and hand and feet deformities and a slight learning disability.
When I was born the doctor and nurses were all…

My son, John, is 31 years old and has been diagnosed with multiple leaning disabilities, RSD, Epilepsy and Schizophrenia. I believe he has been living with many of these conditions since he was 5 months old. In spite of his challenges he is living independently, speaks at local mental health conferences and has received training as a Peer Specialist with the goal of working in a field where he has…

I am first a mom of a beautiful creative lovely young adult daughter who has chronically suffered from disabling, paralyzing OCD since childhood, I am also a child and adolescent psychiatrist, spending most of my life trying to reduce the suffering and pain of mental illness in children, adolescents and young adults. I have a bird's eye view and live daily with the devastation that mental illness…

Our son came to us through the Foster Care system when he was 4. We adopted him, and his 2 siblings, 2 years later. We know that he suffered emotional, physical and, now we know, sexual abuse. He struggles in social situations, had previously had violent outbursts, and has finally been able to show empathy. This past year he broke our trust that we had been building, and he broke our hearts. We now…

When the Newtown shooting happened and Adam Lanza's brother said something like, "My brother has Asperger's or a personality disorder," my heart sank. My own son with Asperger Syndrome/HFA has just gotten a job at 14, wore button-down shirts everyday, and didn't have a single friend (but was not anti-social). I work as a
teacher in a school and, by Monday, an informal parent task force was forming…

I gave birth to Taylor when I was twenty years old. I was a sophomore in college when my parents retired to Florida. In an attempt to create a good life for us, I left Chicago at the age of 23 to teach in NYC. Over the past seven years, I obtained three academic degrees and traveled to three different cities. As the parent of an autistic child I experienced some of the best and worst challenges on…

I love this book! It so eloquently records the feelings and insights that I’ve had while parenting Felix, my nine-year-old son, who has autism and cerebral palsy. Felix can rage like the devil, love like the most benevolent of spirits, and explore his world with spine tingling creativity and determination. Knowing him has deepened my understanding of art, science, nonverbal communications, muscles,…

My name is Byron, and I'm telling this story as if my son was telling it to you if he could.

Hello my name is Phoenix and I am a special young man. I'm 11 years old and I am as big as a 18 year old, I wear a size 13 shoe for those who can't picture my size. The big thing is I have a brain function level of a 2 year old and can through quit the fit to, it's like I'm having a two year old…

I'm not a parent, and I can't claim any of the horizontal identities that Solomon discusses in Far From the Tree. In that way, I don't yet really have a story to tell. But as a young man thinking about having children in the next few years, reading this book has put me in a frame of mind that I wouldn't have even begun to fathom while contemplating impending parenthood. In many ways the idea of children…

My story begins with my birth, I suppose most of our stories really begin there. My father was from the mountains of NC and he moved after serving in the Air Force for 4 years to S.C. (Greenville area/ eg...the "upstate of South Carolina") and he met my Mother in 1959 after his service to our country. He "courted my Mom" the old fashioned way, in July 1960 - they were married. I came along on January…

My husband and I are the proud parents of two sons and a daughter. Our two sons are 23 and 21, respectively. Our daughter is 17 going on 30 and has been our daughter for close to three years. We didn't adopt her—she is our beloved daughter who was born a natal son.

DJ came out to her brother, who informed my sisters, a lesbian and a child specialist, both left leaning, and the four…

I am the transgendered offspring of same-sex parents. My husband and I are now trying to go about adopting a child of our own. I have lived my life being the subject of much confusion for people and had to see my parents subject to the many questions you mention in your article. I grew up in the 80s when people in same-sex relationships didn't talk about their partners, much less acknowledge that…

We were also at the LPA convention in Boston. Our daughter was born with Achondroplasia. I read the Chapter in your book on Dwarfs. Well done, thank you. I also was an EMS Helicopter pilot in Iraq. I rescued an Iraqi family with three handicapped children with Morquio type of dwarfism. They now live with me in Idaho. My interpreter (a Muslim) in Iraq wanted to tell the Salman family, (they are also…

My daughter (17) was born with bilateral cataracts and glaucoma. She is legally blind. Her eyes do not look "normal", she wears "coke bottle" glasses and on top of all this, she follows the beat of her own drum. This has caused her many social issues and problems. She is extremely bright and funny but, is just not your typical 17 year old. The first chapter in this book has changed my life. I spent…

I am a transgender man in my twenties, happy and studying law. My parents were supportive, loving, and kind as I transitioned. Your book helped me to see the heroism in what they have shrugged off as merely good parenting. Also, thank you for your family's story in Chapter XII. Seeing another way of making a family makes it easier to envision one of my own.