Andrew Solomon Far From The Tree

My daughter, an American with Irish/ Scottish ancestry, married a man from Trinidad, with African/ indigenous west Indian ancestry, so their two children, a boy and a girl, are bi-racial and bi-cultural. As their grandmother I want them to be able to fully develop themselves and express their uniqueness without the limits of other people's prejudices. They look like neither race but are their own…

My son's 17th birthday is on 19th June - next week. He hanged himself two years ago on 31 March 2011. He was 14 years old. This is an extract from a book I have written about him, us and what happened that day. It's simply called BOY...What brought Boy to a place where death was preferable to life? What path did he walk from birth to his still-so-young fourteen years? Was it something I did or didn’t…

About four years ago, I was on a news assignment filming at an elementary school where they celebrate their annual pioneer day. I was about to begin filming four women teaching quilting when the teacher stood and introduced all but one of the women. Immediately one of the women from the group stood and said the words that I could not get out of my mind, "And This is my sister, Mary; she is also a…

My daughter was 9 years old when my mother had come for a visit and noticed that one leg was shorter than the other. I felt guilty that I hadn't seen it myself. I love my daughter, so how could I miss something like that? That's the question I had asked myself over and over. I thought, that sometimes when you go for a walk small children will complain that they are tired of walking. Little did I know,…

When I was five years old, my mother divorced my biological father because he officially came out of the closet; three years later my mother remarried and we became a blended family, two children (my brother and I) from the first marriage, and three more children from the second marriage.

At the time that my mother was divorced and a single parent within a conservative and judgmental…

My daughter spent the first month of her life suffering from brain seizures. They went away, but she has always been different. Now eight years old, she doesn't pay attention well, has trouble understanding other kids' social cues and is often unresponsive to me, her teachers, other kids, etc.

She's also creative, beautiful, energetic, and wise. When she's not tuning out the world and…

“Your Son Has….

… Autism.” That was the message on the voice mail. Now for most parents that might deliver a terrible shock, but somehow -- at least for me -- this was more of a clarification about what might have been missing from my family tree. Not really so much about my son, but more so about my family when I was growing up. Finally, there was a term that made sense for why…

My daughters are adopted from foster care, now in their 20's: one daughter is mixed bipolar, learning disabled, recently denied social security and is living in a room in a house with her boyfriend; and the other has mixed psych dxs (also hypochrondria, compulsive lying), severely learning disabled and hearing impaired, still on social security and living in an adult living facility with others not…

It is not often that I find a book and realize as I read it that I have waited my whole life for such a book. That is my experience as I read “Far from the Tree.” I am the mother of 3 grown children and the concept of “vertical vs horizontal” identities is something I have never thought about. I grew up in New York City (Washington Heights) in the 50’s-60’s . I had an older brother who…

I am writing in order to make a contribution to Andrew Solomon's project of enabling people with horizontal identities to share their stories. I grew up in the 1940s and 50s in a middle class family in the middle of the country, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a town epitomizing "middleness." My vaguely articulated discomfort with the confines of "middleness" was manifested in a yearning to go away to big…

I was honored to meet Andrew, at a fundraiser that he and his partner John, hosted for my friend Spencer's film project related to Our Little Roses in Honduras. I felt so grateful to him and for his book and was blessed to be able to thank him face to face.

For about a year I was working on a memoir about my only sibling and our relationship. She has DS and we were born less than a year…

This Child
We had pizza on Long Ridge road in North Stamford, Connecticut after our daughter was conceived on January 2nd 1994. We lived in New York City and I was 37 and this was our first child. I was more afraid of losing the pregnancy than of having a child with Down syndrome so I declined the amniocentesis because I knew that this might be our only baby and there was a risk of miscarriage…

I have a 13 year old niece that is on the high functioning end of the spectrum. She also has a seizure disorder, and will speak but very little. After reading "Far from the Tree" there was someone with autism that told Andrew that they wish that everyone knew that people with autism know more than what we think they know. I remembered that my niece liked to look up favorite cartoons online so I know…

It was never in my genes to parent this way. Instead it's a learning curve that we are all going through in our family. Instead it's a grieving process and then a healing, accepting process that will be life-long. Such is our journey as the family of a child with intellectual disability, Tourette Syndrome and ADHD. The early years of intervention, therapy and special education didn't teach any of…

My name is Theresa McMillan, and I was born with a rare congenital birth defect called Moebius Syndrome. It affects the 6th and 7th facial nerves which causes paralysis of the muscles. I am not able to smile or have any facial expressions. I also have vision and hearing difficulties and hand and feet deformities and a slight learning disability.
When I was born the doctor and nurses were all…

My son, John, is 31 years old and has been diagnosed with multiple leaning disabilities, RSD, Epilepsy and Schizophrenia. I believe he has been living with many of these conditions since he was 5 months old. In spite of his challenges he is living independently, speaks at local mental health conferences and has received training as a Peer Specialist with the goal of working in a field where he has…

Our son came to us through the Foster Care system when he was 4. We adopted him, and his 2 siblings, 2 years later. We know that he suffered emotional, physical and, now we know, sexual abuse. He struggles in social situations, had previously had violent outbursts, and has finally been able to show empathy. This past year he broke our trust that we had been building, and he broke our hearts. We now…

I gave birth to Taylor when I was twenty years old. I was a sophomore in college when my parents retired to Florida. In an attempt to create a good life for us, I left Chicago at the age of 23 to teach in NYC. Over the past seven years, I obtained three academic degrees and traveled to three different cities. As the parent of an autistic child I experienced some of the best and worst challenges on…

I love this book! It so eloquently records the feelings and insights that I’ve had while parenting Felix, my nine-year-old son, who has autism and cerebral palsy. Felix can rage like the devil, love like the most benevolent of spirits, and explore his world with spine tingling creativity and determination. Knowing him has deepened my understanding of art, science, nonverbal communications, muscles,…

My story begins with my birth, I suppose most of our stories really begin there. My father was from the mountains of NC and he moved after serving in the Air Force for 4 years to S.C. (Greenville area/ eg...the "upstate of South Carolina") and he met my Mother in 1959 after his service to our country. He "courted my Mom" the old fashioned way, in July 1960 - they were married. I came along on January…

My husband and I are the proud parents of two sons and a daughter. Our two sons are 23 and 21, respectively. Our daughter is 17 going on 30 and has been our daughter for close to three years. We didn't adopt her—she is our beloved daughter who was born a natal son.

DJ came out to her brother, who informed my sisters, a lesbian and a child specialist, both left leaning, and the four…

I have always believed that the most important relationship we have is with our parents - they validate us, they make us feel safe, and give us the extraordinary gift of believing in us and that we can "do". I am the mother of 3 grown sons, one of whom is gay, and I have always strived to make them feel wanted and loved and that they belong. Relationships are complex and can be difficult, but it's…

I am a transgender man in my twenties, happy and studying law. My parents were supportive, loving, and kind as I transitioned. Your book helped me to see the heroism in what they have shrugged off as merely good parenting. Also, thank you for your family's story in Chapter XII. Seeing another way of making a family makes it easier to envision one of my own.