Andrew Solomon Far From The Tree

My baby boy died the same day he was born- January 12, 2013 as a result of undeveloped kidneys and underdeveloped lungs. Reading Andrew's book has brought me great comfort; we all have loss in this life. One line in particular has been a revelation, "it takes an act of will to grow from loss." Thankfully, through his insightful words, I have been able to realize my burden will not go away unless I…

My daughters are adopted from foster care, now in their 20's: one daughter is mixed bipolar, learning disabled, recently denied social security and is living in a room in a house with her boyfriend; and the other has mixed psych dxs (also hypochrondria, compulsive lying), severely learning disabled and hearing impaired, still on social security and living in an adult living facility with others not…

I am writing in order to make a contribution to Andrew Solomon's project of enabling people with horizontal identities to share their stories. I grew up in the 1940s and 50s in a middle class family in the middle of the country, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a town epitomizing "middleness." My vaguely articulated discomfort with the confines of "middleness" was manifested in a yearning to go away to big…

90+ man, attracted to men most of life, seldom acted upon. Aversion to all sex, including solitary masturbation, but could not resist that. Terrible guilt feelings. But did like girls, dated, platonic. Only child, parents divorced. Rarely saw my father. I asked my mother why I felt this guilt about sex. She was 90yrs old, I 70. She said she told me "Never touch yourself or a girl." Asked her, "How…

Cheryl was my first girlfriend. Actually we were both about 6 years old at the time. Her parents lived across the street just off the public square from my grandmother. Whenever my parents took me to visit my grandmother, I was urged to go across the street to see Cheryl. I would hesitatingly walk across the street and stand on the sidewalk by the rock wall around Cheryl's house and wait for someone…

It was never in my genes to parent this way. Instead it's a learning curve that we are all going through in our family. Instead it's a grieving process and then a healing, accepting process that will be life-long. Such is our journey as the family of a child with intellectual disability, Tourette Syndrome and ADHD. The early years of intervention, therapy and special education didn't teach any of…

My name is Theresa McMillan, and I was born with a rare congenital birth defect called Moebius Syndrome. It affects the 6th and 7th facial nerves which causes paralysis of the muscles. I am not able to smile or have any facial expressions. I also have vision and hearing difficulties and hand and feet deformities and a slight learning disability.
When I was born the doctor and nurses were all…

I have entered many rooms in my 70-some years. Reading this book allowed me for the first time to enter a room in which I felt totally accepted. Thank you!

My son, John, is 31 years old and has been diagnosed with multiple leaning disabilities, RSD, Epilepsy and Schizophrenia. I believe he has been living with many of these conditions since he was 5 months old. In spite of his challenges he is living independently, speaks at local mental health conferences and has received training as a Peer Specialist with the goal of working in a field where he has…

Our son came to us through the Foster Care system when he was 4. We adopted him, and his 2 siblings, 2 years later. We know that he suffered emotional, physical and, now we know, sexual abuse. He struggles in social situations, had previously had violent outbursts, and has finally been able to show empathy. This past year he broke our trust that we had been building, and he broke our hearts. We now…

When the Newtown shooting happened and Adam Lanza's brother said something like, "My brother has Asperger's or a personality disorder," my heart sank. My own son with Asperger Syndrome/HFA has just gotten a job at 14, wore button-down shirts everyday, and didn't have a single friend (but was not anti-social). I work as a
teacher in a school and, by Monday, an informal parent task force was forming…

I bought your book after hearing your interview on "Fresh Air." We have no category yet for our son, adopted from China more than four years ago as older, but "normal." Now we do not know if he's 11 or 8, as dental X-rays and hand X-rays question. He is ADHD, stutters, speaks of cruel abuse (burning, being tied up) and in Texas is labeled "intellectually delayed." Still, he is so happy. We are continuing…

I gave birth to Taylor when I was twenty years old. I was a sophomore in college when my parents retired to Florida. In an attempt to create a good life for us, I left Chicago at the age of 23 to teach in NYC. Over the past seven years, I obtained three academic degrees and traveled to three different cities. As the parent of an autistic child I experienced some of the best and worst challenges on…

Hello, I struggle to understand my 24 year old son. He has dyslexia and likely some undiagnosed mental illness that he has worked very hard to hide from me and everyone else. He was in therapy with either his 6th or 7th therapist and I think she was making progress with him, but he sabatoged that arrangement and blamed her for continually screwing up thier appointment times -- she is my therapist…

My name is Byron, and I'm telling this story as if my son was telling it to you if he could.

Hello my name is Phoenix and I am a special young man. I'm 11 years old and I am as big as a 18 year old, I wear a size 13 shoe for those who can't picture my size. The big thing is I have a brain function level of a 2 year old and can through quit the fit to, it's like I'm having a two year old…

Where to begin. We didn't really know any deaf people before Harry was identified as deaf at the age of 4 months. The idea of "Deaf culture" seemed crazy to me. How could my baby have a different culture to our own? It was as crazy as if the audiologist had said "It turns out your son is congenitally Jewish, you're going to have to buy a second set of dishes and learn Hebrew." No. Culture is something…

My story begins with my birth, I suppose most of our stories really begin there. My father was from the mountains of NC and he moved after serving in the Air Force for 4 years to S.C. (Greenville area/ eg...the "upstate of South Carolina") and he met my Mother in 1959 after his service to our country. He "courted my Mom" the old fashioned way, in July 1960 - they were married. I came along on January…

My daughter, Eve Troy was born on 12/29/10. I had a perfect pregnancy and had no idea there would be any problems. She is profoundly deaf, unable to eat on her own and requires a gastronomy tube, has an extremely difficult to manage eye condition called corneal anesthesia and she has both gross and fine motor delays. She has a cochlear implant which has yet to show many results. We are, however, communicating…

Do you have any advice for someone with 2 narcissistic parents? I am 47 & have finally given up trying to "woo" my parents into loving me & they no longer want a relationship with me (I stopped parenting them & trying to win their favor). How can you be successful/happy in any aspect of life without the love & support of your family? It is amazing how so many parents have unconditional love for their…

I was put up for adoption and abused on a dairy farm. I was adopted to save a marriage. I was sent to the barn at age 5 as my mother despised me. I was worked to the point of exhaustion and beaten daily...this is literally 1/2 mile from where painter Grandma Moses lived. I'm now 47 with a wonderful family. I have battled addictions and embraced recovery. But I believe that child slavery is an ongoing…

My dear son, who was 17 years of age, ended up being arrested for going along with armed robberies. Two robberies, in fact. He was sentenced to 20 years and 4 months behind bars after being tried as an adult. This is a non-murder case, although a man was shot in the leg (not by my son). Yet my son was considered a part of the crime, and was still sentenced for this length of time. He is now 19 years…

My fiance has an adopted child who has some violent tendencies and has been to multiple short- and long-term facilities for treatment. He has recently threatened to kill my fiance and was taken to a facility but was released to his mother after a few days even though there has not been a big change in attitude.

Where do you go for help if the resources available to you have not worked…

My family story is a Chinese box tale of learning disabilities…

I have a MSW and MFA in Creative Writing. I have been trying to write about the convoluted illnesses and disabilities in my family including my (totally unintended and thank you for allowing me to know I am not the only parent who would not have children if I could see the future) two sets of twins. I have so much and am…