I have done much therapy, and have moved on. And I realize I have done all the work to make it okay for my family; and they have been able to remain in denial and to hide behind the myth of false memory. They never accepted me and never stood up for me. In 2011, my transgender sister stood before me and said I should be proud of my father. I froze. Here is this woman who has had my support and who should understand how much support means, and she asks me to be proud of the man who raped me. She was asking me to join her in her denial. Recently, my mother said she "forgot" I was raped by my father.
I have wept. My mother is 81 now and will die soon. The acceptance I desire from my family has not been forthcoming and will never happen. They will never stand up for me.
I have thought of calling my mother and telling her that I am done; that I have waited for her acceptance and that since she chooses not to stand with me, I chose to stand apart from her. I imagine telling my transgender sister that she lacks the compassion for others she so sadly laments is missing from her life.
But finally, I realize that they are the ones that have missed out.
Your Ted Talk was perfect. All those families that saw the bright light and loved the children they had; and my family that want a sister or daughter that wasn't abused -- that doesn't remind them that their family had failings.
I know this isn't what your work is about -- it is different because my parents had a child who they damaged instead of a child they first perceived as damaged and then realized the child was not so.
But really, it is not the sexual abuse that damaged me. I was able to endure, and then rise above. Though my mother admits it happened, she cannot accept it happened because she feels to blame.