Andrew Solomon Far From The Tree

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      Son Deaf Dwarfs Down Syndrome Autism Schizophrenia Disability Prodigies Rape Crime Transgender Father
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      Love Hope Policy Transcendence Struggle Illness Identity Activism Prejudice Belief Breakthroughs Science
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      Son Deaf Dwarfs Down Syndrome Autism Schizophrenia Disability Prodigies Rape Crime Transgender Father
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      Love Hope Policy Transcendence Struggle Illness Identity Activism Prejudice Belief Breakthroughs Science
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Heather Hoffman She chose me CA , USA
My daughter spent the first month of her life suffering from brain seizures. They went away, but she has always been different. Now eight years old, she doesn't pay attention well, has trouble understanding other kids' social cues and is often unresponsive to me, her teachers, other kids, etc.

She's also creative, beautiful, energetic, and wise. When she's not tuning out the world and the people who love her, she's empathetic, engaged, and curious. She's kind to a fault, never aggressive and almost never angry or disobedient.

Her teachers hate it when she "shuts off." I get daily emails from them about how frustrated they are, how I should punish her for not responding when they ask her a question. They complain that she is falling behind academically and socially, that she's not like other children. Never once have they tried to help her, and this is in a class with three students.

One day, her teacher, in front of the entire class, told my daughter that she wasn't smart enough to be in school, and that she should repeat the third grade or leave the school altogether.

I don't want to change her. I am seeking help for her, as I know that a psychologist can help me understand her better, and certainly he can help her teachers accommodate her needs, but I don't think a diagnosis and a drug are the answer.

She is unique and wonderful and quite honestly the reason I gave up being a raging bitch so many years ago. She is my life, my love, and every day I am so overwhelmingly grateful that she chose me to be her mother.

Every day I learn something new from her, and the most important thing I've learned is that changing her is not the answer - it won't bring her success or love or happiness. I don't know that there is an "answer" - the point of life is not to figure out what "is", but rather to make ourselves stronger by eliminating what "isn't" - eliminating useless boundaries and prejudices that label love unclean in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. That's what I've learned so far, and I look forward to learning more.
Related themes and chapters: Disability Love Hope Transcendence Struggle Prejudice Belief
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