Then on the evening of Aug 8th of this year somewhere around 10:30PM my husband simply disappeared leaving me a note stating that he had left me. The note was actually written on my own stationary something I'm sure he didn't even realize at the time. He had been acting so very strangely in the weeks before that I actually called his doctor because I feared he was suicidal. The interesting thing is that my husband had been going to his doctor for years with every single symptom of depression yet his doctor was apparently not bright enough to see it.
On the night that he disappeared I was so scared that I actually called the police. I sure he had gone off to commit suicide. It was after the police called me back to tell me that my husband was safe and that he was staying with a friend that I discovered the note. The police would not tell me the name of the friend however it turns out it was the same (male) friend that my husband stayed with when he disappeared in 2009. The bottom fell out of my world that night and I have been left totally devastated. A total repeat of the last time with my husband never even so much as mentioning that he was thinking about leaving me in spite of his solemn promise that if he ever again felt the need to leave that he would talk to me first.
This is the third time my husband has left during our marriage. The two previous times after an extended period of time he asked to come back. The first time we were separated for almost five years and the last time he was gone for about four months. I allowed him back only because he was in therapy and promised to continue. The curious thing is that while in therapy the last time (which he wouldn't allow me to be a part of) he brought home the book and workbook "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil. Well enough is enough! I will be sixty-five next year and now realize that I cannot continue on this emotional roller coaster. I have to begin taking care of myself now and recently filed for legal separation.
I still love this man however this time I will not be taking him back. He needs in depth therapy for a life time of low lying depression. The root I am fairly certain, from things that he told me earlier on in our marriage when he was drinking, comes from his being sexually abused as a little boy by his father. I became even more certain of this in recent years when after his father's death, two of his sisters came forward with similar allegations. My husband is the youngest of seven children. His father was a raging and very violent alcoholic.
Most people have no idea. It's just like that ad on TV which asks the question "Who Does Depression Hurt?" I could write a book...and here I was one of those people who looked down on battered women who chose to stay living with an abusive husband...Duh!!! I did the worse thing by constantly putting his best foot forward so much so that nobody knew...not even my adult children. This is definitely not how I envisioned my 'golden years'...